Of Mice, Men and Disappointment
by xXNattatouilleXx
Summary: [Slash] All he'd seen was disappointment in his eyes... And somehow that hurt the most [NickxGreg][Postep for Chasing the Bus]


_**Title:**_ Of Mice, Men and Disappointment

_**Rating:**_ K+

_**Disclaimer:**_ If it were mine, the boys would be a lot less clothed don't y'all think?

_**Spoilers:**_ Chasing the bus

_**Notes:**_ I disappeared for a while… So I come bearing fan-fictiony goodness! Reviews welcomed!

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Disappointment; that was all Greg had seen there, in his eyes. He was disappointed that Greg hadn't been able to cope with blood, ashamed that he'd just seized up- and most probably embarrassed that he'd managed to screw up his first time in the field. Greg could handle the relentless teasing from his colleagues; he could handle knowing that he could have blown his one and only chance of escaping the lab. But the one thing that he couldn't cope with was knowing that Nick had been disappointed in him. Even if it was for a split second Greg had seen it there and it caused him pain.

'_You're good at what you do.' _Sara had said to reassure him- as if to say it wasn't the end of the world. As if, it wasn't a big event.

But it was as if the world wasn't spinning anymore. He'd always tried his best to impress everyone; so that they could all be proud to say they knew him. He never wanted to be seen as a disappointment to anyone; especially those he loved. It broke his heart (not that he'd admit to that fact) to see that someone who had given him so much, had been let-down by his actions. He couldn't bear to think about that.

He sat miserably at his desk replaying the moment over and over, trying to make some sense in what he was seeing. Nick had yelled- the same Nick that was so gentle and caring towards him- that Nick had yelled at him to get his attention. But it hadn't penetrated through his frozen state, it just didn't register. There was someone right in-front of his eyes coughing up blood and dying in Nick's arms and Greg had known there was nothing he could do to help him. Seeing the slides all day- they were nothing. There were no faces, no people nor stories behind them; they were just numbers. But all the samples stacked around him had people attached now. The slide he was running now- it could have been any of them: the ex-con breaking his parole, the beloved boyfriend that followed his girlfriend to Vegas or the bus driver.

Greg couldn't understand how Nick could do it. How he could see only death and misery all shift and simply shrug it all off at home, so he could be there for Greg. He'd asked, Greg had honestly wanted to know how Nick could simply waltz into work and become this emotionless stone and not the Nick that he knew. He got a simple answer _'you just deal'_ and that could have meant anything! How could you just _'deal' _knowing that nine people had been killed and one had died right before your eyes? How could you deal knowing that someone out there killed another innocent person? How could you deal with anything?

It wouldn't leave his dreams for weeks. Supposedly he'd just learn to 'deal' with the nightmares and he'd learn to 'deal' with no sleep. But then, this wasn't about freezing up when faced with fresh human blood, oh-no, this was about letting down someone you loved.

Nick had always been there for him, looking after him no matter what. Nick- the cowboy in shining armour; always looked after the defenceless lab-rat. He owed him so much and yet the one time he could have proven to Nick that he was worth the time he'd spent- the lab rat had blown it. It really made him question whether he was a 'man or a mouse'.

As he thought about it, he could feel the nausea in the pit of his stomach growing. His stomach protested violently, twisting and wrenching his insides with guilt. He was guilty of letting a man die without doing anything and guilty of letting Nick down. Greg rubbed at his face wearily, pushing himself away from the desk and the names and the faces. He needed to get out, just escape the memories that were haunting him.

He pushed into the men's bathroom, dazed by the brighter lights overhead. His head felt heavy, as if all those thoughts were out to weigh him down. He didn't need those thoughts; he didn't need to feel guilty- but somehow he just did. He turned on the cold water faucet and let it numb his hands; he closed his eyes desperately trying to block out the memories.

_It was cold out there- and, as usual, I wasn't prepared. I had nothing but a thin-jacket to keep myself warm. It had been all-hands call, and usually that means that anyone that can be spared goes. But as I arrive, they all looked at me- knowing that I am somewhere I don't belong. Nick looks at me too; but he is concerned- I can tell- my teeth are chattering and I am freezing; but I don't care. Tonight, I am there to show that I can be a CSI if I want to. But I just stand there idly, taking notes here and there- trailing after Nick like a lapdog- but that's not too bad a job. But when we approach the Bus Driver, all I can think of is how much I want to go back to the lab. I don't want to see anymore bloody people or bodies; I don't want to hear their screams. I just want to go back to the slides, where everything is safe. Nick'd be disappointed if he heard me say that; so instead I solider on. I take the notes, and do what Nick tells me to do, like a good lapdog should._

_But as Nick holds the breath-test to the Bus Drivers mouth, he coughs loudly and I have to blink a few times. I see the blood, and I know immediately that this is not good. And then Nick yells, and I can't do anything. My feet are glued in place; nothing is going in or out… All I can see is the blood…_

"_Greg!"_

"Are you alright?" The soft Texan drawl wafted through the haze of the memories and Greg yelped. "Hey, calm down. It's me."

Nick's hand rested in the small of Greg's back- holding him in place and soothing him at the same time. He looked at his boyfriend concerned; normally Greg wasn't one to drift off like that and he rarely left his DNA lab when there were samples to be run.

Greg opened his eyes; looking back at Nick in the mirror, searching his eyes for the disappointment that should be there. Somewhere in there should be the disappointment because Greg had failed, he'd let him down right when it had counted. But the more Greg searched- the more he began to realise that maybe there wasn't disappointment there, or at least he couldn't find it.

"I'm sorry about earlier." He whispered almost inaudibly; sighing to himself. Nick looked at him puzzled.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I shouldn't have frozen up like I did. I should have been braver. I should have made you proud." Greg's voice still barely above a whisper and Nick had to lean in to hear his younger counterpart. But as the words tumbled from Greg's lips- Nick almost wished he hadn't heard them at all.

"I've always been proud of you G."

"But when we were there… And I couldn't do it… You looked so…" Greg rambled, and Nick smiled softly.

"I've never been disappointed in you, I never will be. You did well out there, at least you weren't sick."

Nick leant past Greg, turning the tap off- and squeezed Greg's freezing hands in reassurance. Greg looked at him questioningly.

"But I thought you said that you 'just deal'?" He said, turning to face his partner.

"I do G, but back then… I just dealt with it the only way I knew how."

Maybe Greg's knight was did have a chink in his armour; maybe he wasn't disappointed either and maybe sometimes, he could be a mouse too.


End file.
